A one-way ticket to LIFE - 2024

Welcome to 2024!

Although I have not written in at least a year, I've thought about it many times. Too many times. It is time for me to find a way to express myself and time to release these thoughts and emotions. In my current stage of life, I am in the most positive mindset I've ever achieved. Being able to recognize this and being able to share this makes me proud. 

Considering that it is a new year and my first journal entry of the new year...I am going to start by sharing how I plan to view 2024 and how I plan to live...loudly. 

Free. 

Surrounded by laughter.

Dance walks in nature.

Staring at the trees and stars. 

Appreciating the day-to-day mundane tasks.

Creating magic.

Embracing others.

Being thankful for the things my physical body can accomplish.

Loving and giving.    

(If you're interested in listening to music while you read. This is what I listened to while I was writing.)

Past: The feeling of desert dirt on the pads of my feet. My skin is dusty from Mother Earth's wind and sand blowing across the landscape. When I wiggle my toes I can feel the smooth silky sand between them like tiny beads of energy. The sun is cooling as it slowly sinks below the horizon but my face is still warm from her glow. This moment feels like a hug from the sunset as I stand and watch the sky and mountains transform in front of me. The sun uses her light to paint the mountain range from orange creamsicle to lilac to sparkling gold. I never want this visual transformation in front of me to end and in this moment I am painfully aware of how ALIVE I am. 

My ears are sensitive to loving friends laughing around me and the sounds of calming music traveling through me. It's almost like having an out-of-body experience but also feeling an immense sense of peace in my physical body. In reality, I am standing outside, in thin socks, and wrapped in a blanket. A fire glows behind me which is surrounded by beautiful friends. The conversations range in emotion, some very vulnerable and others uncontrollably belly laughing. I love all of it. The winter sun is setting behind us in the middle of the desert. And in front of me is the most glorious and natural light show my eyes have ever seen.

In this moment, that truthfully lasted a few hours. I swayed and danced to the music. Dirtying my socks and blanket, my face turned towards the rocky peaks in front of me, my back warm from the fire and sun. An uncontrollable feeling of love and gratefulness washes over me like waves from the ocean. These emotions flood through my entire body and bring such a feeling of wonder and amazement to my mind...that I just can't take it. Tears freely flow from my eyes and stain my cheeks, like a river through a dry creek bed. This is happiness. This emotional response is not one of fear, discomfort, or pain. This reaction is from a feeling of positive disbelief, fullness, magic, enjoyment, and peace. 

Present: Looking at myself and my current situation from the outside, I cannot believe how far I have come. In this moment I realize how much I have grown, as a human. Into a good human. I am finally proud of 'self'. Mentally...physically...

I even recognize the imperfections in life, in me. And it's MY life. And they are my imperfections. My goal is not to share this journal entry and come off sounding as if my life is perfect. As it is not. But, you know what? I can control how I view and feel about my life. The good and the bad. I have decided to find the magic in my life. To appreciate the imperfections. To view negative or uncomfortable events as lessons the universe is trying to teach me. I welcome all that life has to offer. And I do not take this lightly. The word 'Life.' 

For so much of my time on this Earth, I think I've taken it for granted? I've never taken the time to fully understand just how lucky I am to be here.

During this century, in this physical body, with this awake mind...and sharing this experience with other amazing souls. How incredible is that? Very! I appreciate that my mind has been able to come to this realization...as it is truly helping me to experience every single day of the year. Of the month. Of the week. It's interesting to dive deeper into this topic in my mind. Every day as growing humans, we make thousands of decisions. From the moment our eyes open to start the day until the moment our brain finally relaxes and falls asleep, we are constantly making decisions. Whether we are conscious of every decision or not our mind and body are keeping us going. 

But, none of us created a plan or made the decision to exist. To end up here. I did not have a say, in 'Yes, I'd like to do this thing called Life!' And yet, I am here...beyond all of the odds. And I choose to appreciate all of it. 

I have the power to wake up and make the decision to feel good about the day. I can decide to wake up grateful that I am in my home on wheels. I make the decision to find magic in the sunrise as I walk Charlie around a busy RV park before work. I make an effort to enjoy the singing of the birds, to notice the steam rising off of the water, and to listen to the cargo train passing by. I take some quick moments to stretch before I sit to work for a few hours and I am grateful to have the ability to make money remotely. And to service customers that need my help. I love that my dance walks on my lunch breaks are something that my mind and legs enjoy. 

I have the power to look at the daily activities of life, as magical activities. And that is what I choose. 

Life = Euphoria. 

For me, this feeling is similar to the mental high you enjoy at a concert that you've waited months for. Or winning the permit for a once-in-a-lifetime hike. Or feeling your plane land in an exotic land for which it took you years to save up. And to participate in all of this, you need a ticket. A ticket for a thrill, a ticket for a new experience, a ticket for the 'high,' a ticket for a feeling of euphoria.

Now this is me. With my ticket for life. 

Future: I will cherish this ticket. I will keep it safe. I will save for it. I will protect it. With this ticket, I will unapologetically love. I will spread kindness and empathy. I will lead by example. I will do my best. I will minimize guilt, anxiety, and fear...for self and others. And beyond.

All of this is to say...life is short. And I hope this encourages you to enjoy your one-way ticket. 

Cara