How did I get here today? 6/7/21 In memory of you!
Second, I want to say I was so excited to do a little road trip and visit family in the bay area! It's so cool to be able to just pack up and move when we are ready! I started the journey by myself and took the Jeep while Charlie and Gregory bonded in the RV. Ha! We've agreed that it is good to spend a night here and there alone without each other! In RV life Gregory and I wake up together, eat every meal together, work together, work out together, karaoke together, cook together, everything! 99% of the time it works perfectly. But, just like every relationship we have those times we just need a little space. Especially in this life style! So, it's good to get away and do separate thing from time to time. For a positive reason and not because you're tying to run away from each other!
Some of you already know who I went to visit in San Fran but for those of you who do not. I got to see my Kay and Kim! They are both very special to me and the entire family. I missed you all so much. And I just appreciate how warm, welcoming, wonderful, and amazing you both are! I don't know what I would do without all of these amazing women in my life. I'm not sure if either of you know this but you are some major role models for my sisters and I. Growing up and now. We have always looked up to both of you for your strength, resilience, your openness, the love you share, and your badassness! You are just so tough and could care less about what the world thinks. Especially you Kay. We've watched you all since we were little girls and I honestly believe you've helped shape who we are today. And I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Just know you are loved by me, Krista, Cassi, Mom and many more. If you ever start to doubt yourself, just know how important you are to me.
I am also grateful for the man that brought us all together. I didn't realize that I needed closure but it felt so good to talk about your husband, your father, my grandfather, and friend. Kenny. Popaw Kenny. Kenneth. So many names. He was so much to so many people. Some times he was everything to one person.
For those of you that do not know Popaw Kenny passed in 2018. It's always hard to lose someone. It was especially hard to lose him. If you ever met Kenny you were affected by him. He was a physically large man that took up a lot of space in a room. I don't think that was his goal but he had a presence...a presence everyone could feel and see. I think people just respected him, they were curious, and wanted to hear what he had to say. At least this is how he affected me. My popaw was larger than life. He was a legend to me. He was my safety, my security, my confidence. He was the last man in my life that could physically hold me and protect me from the world. He was a cowboy. He was a outlaw. He was a Popaw. I don't know how else to describe it...he just made you feel like everything was going to be okay. Even if you could see the world on fire around you...you could look in his eyes and hold his hands...and you would just know that everything was going to be okay. I can still hear his awnry laughter and see his large hands clasped together.
I didn't know this. I don't think anyone knew this. But, the week he passed was the week my life was changing forever. Popaw was admitted to the hospital and lost consciences in the hospital a few days before I was scheduled to fly to California for a work trip. This was the same work trip that I added extra days onto. At this time (I didn't know it) but I as in my transition from my old life into the life I live now. I already had a therapist and had been seeing her every Thursday. Mainly just to cry my eyes out. I didn't realize I was creating a plan. I think she did. She was helping guide me and make that transition. Her and I agreed that I should fly to California early and road trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles and have a mini vacation before work.
Of course, no one could have predicted Popaw would end up in the hospital a few days before I was suppose to fly out. Of course we were all terrified when we heard the news. But, I honestly at one point thought he would be fine. He had lived through so much! In and out of the hospital, a nursing home once, surgeries, heart valve replacements, car accidents. This man was indestructible. And he was my legend...my safe space. He would be fine. Of course, it only took a few short days to realize he might not be fine. The family encouraged me to go on my trip.
He wouldn't want you not to go.
He would want to go with you.
Do it for him.
They were right. I won't go into it on here but I believe he gave me his blessing back in 2018. I felt him. I felt him pass. I felt him smile and be free of the pain finally. I felt him go so I allowed myself to go. I think my trip started in Mid September. I flew from Kentucky while he was in a coma in the hospital to San Francisco, CA. And where did I go? To Kim's house! It was wonderful. It was amazing to be in California by myself, to explore, to spend time with Kim and her partner, to explore her home, to see things for the first time! I only had a few hours with Kim before she actually had to fly from San Fran to Kentucky. To be with her mother Kay, Popaw, and the family. Kim also gave me her blessing, her warmth, and her strength.
During this trip I spent 1 night at Kim's house in San Fran, drove to Yosemite for the first time ever and spent the night in a travel trailer, stayed in San Miguel at a winery where I slept in a yurt on a hill, and last but not least rented a room in a mansion in Laguna Hills! I can't even begin to write about that 4 day experience but I'll share a little bit. This trip in 2018 could become a book all it's own!
Night 1 - San Francisco with Kim. This was my first time visiting San Fran and her home. It was wonderful. A refugee I didn't know I needed. The early morning drive out of the city was beautiful. The sky was pink and lavender as the sun rose and I drove up, down, and around the streets of the city.
Day & Night 2 - I drive into Yosemite for the first time in my life. I cried from the moment I saw Bridal Veil falls until the moment I went to bed. Visiting that park was like opening my eyes for the first time. At this time of year the water fall was barely a mist. I followed some other curious people up a trail of rocks to the base of the water fall. And there in front of me was a crystal pool of emerald water. It was freezing but beautiful. Some hikers had jumped in and some were doing yoga in the warm sun. I took my soaks and shoes off and dipped my toes in the water. Tears. Tears. and Tears. I had never imaged a location so beautiful in my life. I walked in the prairies, I silently watched the deer graze, and I stood in awe at everything before me. I never wanted to leave and I was in a state of euphoria. That night was my first time (that I can remember) sleeping in a travel trailer. I remember thinking wow how do people take showers in here! But, I did it...and I slept so well.
Day & Night 3- This was the morning I got a phone call from the family. Popaw's body had passed. It was hard to hear but I had already made peace with him passing. In my mind he had passed a few days ago when he came to visit me. And I was dedicating this trip and adventure to him. This day I had a slow and beautiful day south to San Miguel. Driving through the orchards I made hurried stops to pick grapes and snack on them while driving. It felt sneaky but fun! And they were so juicy and delicious. San Miguel was magical because I slept on a hill in a yurt all by myself! No one around. I watched the sun set, cried, had a drink, cried, took a shower (outside!), took some photos, wrote in my journal, stared at the sky, and just existed. I feel that during day 2 and 3 I had a awakening. I was done. I as done with everything I had been doing. Living a life I didn't recognize, working for a business that had core values that didn't meet mine, and just not living to my full potential. I think it is here that I sat on that hill with Popaw and made a decision. A change had to be made. I felt alive here. I felt alive on the road. I felt alive exploring. Alive with nothing but my backpack. Alive by myself.
Day 4 was enjoyable but Day 4 was my first panic attack of the trip. Because on day 4 I was one more day closer to going back to my real life, the life I had created for myself. I stayed in a beautiful mansion in Laguna Hills. The owner was from Italy and she was an artist. The house was full of vintage furniture, antiques, and her elaborate art work. We had a good conversation over coffee and she was full of life. I hated to leave the next morning. But, I slowly drug my bags to the rental car and took off for Los Angeles.
Somehow I managed to make it through the next week at work. But, I couldn't wait to get back to Kentucky to start working on a plan with my therapist. I needed out. I needed a way out of the life I had created. And I just couldn't see the way out on my own. Thank goodness it was about 2-3 months later and I was out! November 30th 2018 was my last day at work. I had my RV by November. Sold the house by the end of December and had my first shake down cruise in January of 2019. And I haven't looked back since!
Here I am, in my 3rd year of travel parked in Florence, OR with Charlie and Gregory. Loving each other, loving our life, and excited to see what happens next! Thanks for following along!
In memory of the legend, the giver, and our protector. Popaw Kenny.
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