Trusting the process 11/23/18

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed because I went to bed at 9:30...I still struggled to get out of bed on time. This was my second to last Friday at work. During this journey I am practicing the below.

1. Self love and self respect

1. Noticing events and feelings; not labeling them

1. Living in the moment

1. Trusting the process

1. Documenting events, feelings, and thoughts

One of the hardest items is not using 'labeling' words or language. Why do I have the urge to describe events as a bad event or a good event? What if it is just an event, it happened, and now that I have acknowledged it happen I need to move on? I think that our ability to label events and feelings gives us a sense of order in our lives. Spiders are bad, I 'know' to be afraid of them. Going to bed on time is good, I won't feel tired in the morning. Are both of those statements true? Spiders aren't that bad and whether I got 8 hours of sleep or 4 I'm probably still going to struggle to get out of bed at 7:30 AM in the morning. What if instead I just took things as they are. So, lets try this over.
This morning my eyes popped open as soon as my alarm went off. I hit snooze 2 times while I stared at the ceiling and then I scrolled through my phone notifications for another 7 minutes. I left the house at 8:36 AM and dropped a package off at UPS on my way to work.
See, now that wasn't so bad. It sounds like a pretty typical morning. Of course, I had some things happen that could have been viewed as frustrating. Like hitting every light in Shepherdsville, driving with my gas light on, paying for a $12 cardboard box to ship a item I only sold for $16. But, why cry over spilled milk. What good does it do us to cling onto negative events in our lives and suck on them like we are a tick on a blood hound? 1 of 2 things are bound to happen as you greedily nurse your feelings and suck in all that blood. 1 - You lose control and drink to much and will explode or 2 - the farmer takes a lighter to your bloated belly and you explode. Have you ever seen a tick wipe it's mouth after a couple of seconds with a white napkin and say 'Thank you for your supply of fresh blood, enjoy the rest of your day' and walk away? No. I have never witnessed that. In my mind this relates to us when we cling on to negativity and won't let go. At first you feel triumphant, that is the first bite into new flesh, a new beginning. A time to really dive into your black hole and start to blame everyone around you for what just happened, there was nothing you could do, it was inevitable, and now the rest of your day is ruined! Oh joy, doesn't it make us feel better to let everyone around us know how 'that thing' just ruined our whole day and now we can help ruin everyone else day! But, as time goes on and people become weary of your dark aura and snide remarks you start to fill up with anger, shame, or frustrations. It builds and builds until you are the size of a quarter on the side of the blood hound...and now you have no where to go. The only person you have hurt now...is yourself. And the blood hound. Well, maybe we should switch roles, maybe you are the blood hound and the negativity is the tick which is feeding off of you. Boom. That is how I should have started this 8 minutes ago. Yes, it has taken me 8 minutes, this stuff takes time! Getting all of this out of your head in an organized manner! Shew! Anyhow, have I made my point? It only feels good for a little bit and then you have to let it go already! Move on. You are being selfish now.
I had to give myself this tough love this afternoon. After I got to work and started replying to emails I got a text from my Real Estate Agent. It said, 'I woke up to an email from your buyers agent. The buyer is completely scared and is using the inspection contingency to get out of the contract. I talked to the agent Wednesday night and asked her to please have the buyer give you a chance to make repairs to whatever came up. She has decided to back out. I'm so sorry to deliver this news!!!' It goes on and on. You can imagine my surprise and frustration which was really hurt. Hurt that someone didn't trust me and hurt that someone didn't like my current home. Hurt that an inspector had come through the home and marked it with red X's and said it wasn't good enough. All I wanted to do for the next 10 minutes was google or Facebook my buyers name and give her an ear full. She had 'wasted' 2 weeks of my time that the home could have been listed, she got to keep her earnest money, and she hurt my feelings. Actually the 10 minutes was really like 2 hours...I'm also trying to be honest with myself and you all. It's hard sometimes. I let this text ruin about 4 hours of my day, which effected people around me because I wasn't my normal self. This attitude did not hurt the buyer, my agent, or the universe. It only filled me up and I had to change before I exploded. After a few hours I decided to smack myself on the butt and get over it. Everything happens for a reason...enter eye roll here. It's funny how easy it is to belief that statement when everything is going right! Well, we immediately resisted the home even though it was not show ready. I hadn't swept the floors in 3 days and all of the beds were unmade and dirty laundry everywhere. I figured I could still get the home tided up before anyone would look at it. Due to me not being productive at work, my mindset, and honestly because it is Friday I decided to leave work early. Which I gave myself a guilt trip about. I am going to give myself some advice and you also right now. Whether you like it or not. Hm! Why feel guilty about an active choice you are making?? We need to stop doing this. Own it! Whether you are right or wrong, who is the judge? You? Your co-worker? A spiritual being? You are making a decision, once that decision is done, own it and move on. Get over it. Ah, so glad I gave myself this advice so I never go on a guilt trip again. Enter in second eye roll. A girl can dream right? It's a process, I'm still learning to you know...
So, after my guilt trip I took a trip home. On my way home I got a text which was a notification that someone wanted to see the house in the next 45 minutes! How crazy is that? Of course I thought to myself, 'you can get that house clean in 45 minutes!' Long story long I got the house clean but girl was a sweating from head to toenail when I was done. I walked out of the home at 4:27 PM and the showing was at 4:30 PM. The floors were still wet when I locked the door but I felt that was a lot better than dusty dog hair covered floors! As I was pulling out of the back drive way the realtor was pulling into the front, perfect timing. I pulled away from the house damp, nervous, excited, and feeling accomplished. My agent texted an hour later reporting that she 'felt good about the showing, they have asked a lot of good questions. Will you be available later if they send an offer?' Of course I'll be available, this is literally all I am thinking about.  It is now 11:36 PM and she has not sent an offer. Is this good, is this bad? I am not going to say. I will say that I accomplished multiple tasks today and performed to the best of my ability and I am thankful for that.
Here's to trusting the process! Ostara xoxo