The Week I Let My Emotions Win - Crater Lake NP - 7/7/19

Diamond Lake, OR

Writing recently…let me try this again…Summoning up the energy to write has been difficult. Not difficult because I am tired. Difficult mentally? The month of June flew by and I got to do so many amazing things. Every day seemed busy. Either busy driving from one location to the next, setting up camp, and then relaxing by taking a bike ride. Or busy exploring State or National Parks, taking photos, editing photos, still driving a lot, playing with the dogs, and then hanging out with new friends at the camp site. I feel like I should update the blog more frequently…to be considered a true travel blogger. But, who wants to stare at their computer screen and type out what they’ve done for the past week when they could be taking photos of sequoia trees?


Good news for you…today I have the time to write and a reason to write. July has been shit. I’ll be honest, I greatly dislike July right now. Yesterday if I could have sling shotted myself back to Kentucky…I would have. What is even worse is that I know I controlled how I felt yesterday…and I know that I control how I feel today. But, I still let my emotions get the best of me from time to time. I’m learning…still not perfect. Ha! Have you ever decided to look at the glass half empty? Thats right! I said DECIDED. Because, life is going to happen, shit is going to happen. It’s all in how you view it and react to it. The next time you have to decide if the glass if going to be half full or half empty I want you to remember this story. I want you to remember the only person you are hurting when you look at the glass half empty is…yourself. That’s what I did to myself yesterday and really today.


A little over a week ago I talked my Madre into flying out to visit me. I was in Mono Lakes, CA and everything was perfect. When I arrived in Mono the temperature only reached the mid 70’s, the evenings were brisk and slightly windy, the RV park had the greenest grass, and rivers flowed down every mountain! Remember just before this I had spent 100+ degree days in Lake Havasu and Yosemite. I had only seen desert and cactus for the past month, and I sweated in my sleep the entire time. So, the fact that I was seeing green and water was a blessing. The weather reminded me of fall time in Kentucky. Just cool enough to wear a cute oversized sweater, jeans, and tennis shoes. A light breeze, caramel candle lit in the RV, and warm coffee. This made me think of my mother…and made me want to be with my Madre! So, that is what prompted me to talk her into flying out to see me!

Myself & Crater Lake!

I’m pretty persuasive! ;) Before I knew it she was booking a flight out to Medford, Oregon for July 4th. When I got the confirmation I was so excited, I couldn’t believe it. All the sudden my brain shifted gears. My brain said, ‘Wow, you’ve been alone for so long and you finally get to be with your mom and show her your new lifestyle.’ From that moment on I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I couldn’t turn the feeling off in my head. My mind knew that I only had to ‘get through’ a week of being alone…(even though I’ve been alone for 50 days at this point and been fine!) It was just one of those moments…once I got it in my mind I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And what was better was the day that my Madre was scheduled to fly out, Shaun was scheduled to fly in! So, I was in for 2 weeks of special visitors. Ugh I couldn’t wait!! I did enjoy the next week and I took full advantage of it. I had a day left in Mono Lakes, 3 days in Lassen Volcanic National Park, and 3 days in Crater Lake before my Madre joined me. In Lassen Volcanic NP I got to boondock one night with Mountain Top Adventures on BLM land. Mountain Top Adventures is a full time travel couple that work on the road and live in their travel trailer! I met them in January in a Wal-Mart parking lot. After we got to talking we found out that we had been following each other on Instagram! We had liked and commented on each others photos and everything! Then, I just so happened to pull up next to them in the parking lot! We got to talking and had breakfast the next morning at McDonalds. I had always hoped we would meet up but wasn’t sure if it would actually happen. Well 3 days before I was scheduled to arrive in Lassen they reached out to me and said they would be there…the same day I would be there! I followed them to the BLM land which is free and has tons of space in the national forest. I was a little concerned about Charlie and how she would react to Micheal (the husband) Charlie has decided she is not very fond of men. Insert eye roll here. Get over it girl…they are not going any where! Ha! Fast forward to an hour after we are all set up in a private forest and Charlie is loving playing with Michael & Taylor! I was able to let both dogs off the leash and they were in heaven. Charlie played fetch with sticks and baseballs with Michael and Chibi got to lean against Taylor until she was almost pushing her over. This was a happy moment for me and a peaceful moment, to get to see my babies just be free!

I should admit that I never feel ‘alone’ on my journey. I have run into so many old friends and made new friends on my trip, every few days I am talking with someone! But, there is just something about being with your Madre that makes you feel safe and happy! So, it was good that I had some travel days and days I met up with friends to keep myself distracted before Madre flew in. 2 days before she was due to fly in I set up at a Crater Lake campground. The campground was decent, camp sites were small, bathrooms clean overall, nice laundry facility…so it got the job done. Crater Lake NP was PACKED with people! I couldn’t believe it, the visitor center was shoulder to shoulder and almost nothing on the shelves to purchase! Everything had been picked through but I managed to get my typical magnet and sticker set. Beautiful views of the natural land formations but I only stayed for about 3 hours and headed back to the campsite. The campsite also had beautiful views but negatives came with the views. For instance, the neighbors to the right of me that chained their barking dog up to a tree closes to my camp site. Yup…Charlie loved that. And the thing that made my stay there unbearable…mosquitos! These were no ordinary mosquitos, they were terminator mosquitos! They would swarm you in the masses! Usually between the hours of 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM and 5:00 PM - 11:00 PM…so pretty much all day. It was difficult to do anything outside because you were scared of being eaten alive. Despite this I did make friends with the neighbors to the left of me. They were a newly married couple that had recently retired from the Police Force. They were temporarily traveling in their 21ft travel trailer with their 1 year old Great Dane Bella. Gosh, she was precious and they were sweethearts!

These are mosquito murder scenes. I wanted the proof of how bad these suckers were!

View from the campground! 

Long story Long…I couldn’t wait to tell them about what I was doing this year and for the first time my mother was coming to visit me for 5 days! I told them the day and hour she flew in, what we were going to do, how long I had been alone, why I couldn’t wait, etc, etc. They were so excited for me and couldn’t wait to meet her! The plan was to pick Madre up from the airport which was a 2 hour drive from the RV park and then drive back to the RV park, introduce her to the neighbors, celebrate 4th of July together, and the next day get on the road for the Grand Tetons. She would get to travel with me, set up the RV with me, sleep with me, walk the dogs with me, eat with me, ahhhhhhhh all the things! I should mention that when you get in this part of the country or hang out around national parks you also lose cell service and internet service or wifi is out of the question! So, you have to do ‘old school’ things to keep yourself busy. You read novels, ride your bike, watch old DVD’s you rented from the campground, play cards, talk to your neighbors, talk to your dogs, etc. At least once a day I would drive around 29 miles one way to get out of the forest and make phone calls, mainly too Shaun and Madre. I loved to hear Shaun’s voice and then update mom on her flight details for her upcoming trip to exciting Diamond Lake, Oregon! Everyone knew I did not have service and I would call as soon as I could. So, the night before she flew in I made one last drive out of the forest to make sure everything was good to go, of course everything was in line! I told everyone I loved them, I’d see Madre in the morning, and I would call them as soon as I got into town. Which would be 30 minutes before she was due to land. I hung up the phone and made the 29 mile drive back to the RV park.


The day before Madre flew in felt like the longest day. Because remember, my brain had switched gears. I was OVER being alone and I couldn’t wait to be with her! So, I spent the day trying to keep myself busy and all the sudden it was so hard! Why were there so many hours in the day!! What was I suppose to do? All I wanted to do was take a nap and then wake up in time to go to bed and then wake up from bed and go get her! I did my best. I cleaned the floors in the RV, washed the sheets and dog beds, cleaned windows, went on a 11 mile bike ride, prepped food, drank, danced in front of the dogs, watched the musical Chicago….all the things! Finally, bed time! I slept so good after that crazy bike ride, which I originally thought was 6 miles. Yeah, longest 6 miles of my life. The next morning I had no issue waking up, I actually woke the dogs up! We completed our morning routine and then I packed the dogs up in the Honda, I had decided they are going with me! It was only a 2 hour drive one way and a pretty drive at that. So, the dogs, their bed, and water bowl got packed in the Honda, I said good bye to the neighbors, and took off.


During my drive through the forest I just thought about all the fun things we were going to do after I picked her up from the airport. Play with the dogs, un pack at the campsite, have a drink with the neighbors, visit Crater Lake NP, go to the local lounge for a 4th of July drink and fireworks, everything we could possible fit in. About that time I got service. 2 text messages came through. I looked down at the cellphone which was laying in the floor board. I had gotten use to not having it in my hands and it was kind of nice. Because it was completely useless in the forest. The phone lit up.


‘Shaun: Hope everything is okay, haven’t heard from you.’

‘Mommy: Missed Flight.’


I looked up at the road. Back down at the cell phone. Up at the road, at the dogs in the rear view mirror, at the road, back at the phone. I slowed down and reached for the phone. I had to put it closer to my face to reread the texts. Okay, the one from Shaun was normal, I’d call him. But, the text from mom…’missed flight.’ What does that even mean. I unlocked the phone and clicked on her name so I could call her. Boom. NO SERVICE. My hands started sweating, my heartbeat quickened, and my stomach tied in a knot. Did she really miss her flight this morning? She was suppose to land in an hour and a half. I had cleaned the RV, I told my neighbors, I had made my world revolve around this flight today, it was happening! I couldn’t go one more day by myself! I had to drive 1 more hour without service. I couldn’t tell you why the service sucked so bad this time. I think it was a test and I failed. This was one of the longest hours of my month. Just driving and carefully looking at my cell phone waiting for it to show at least one bar. Finally I get 30 minutes out from the airport and pull over, restart my phone, water the dogs, and turn the air conditioner on full blast to cool them off. Finally, the phone turns back on and vibrates furiously as more texts come in.

The girls were so good, they slept most of the day in the back seat! 

She missed the flight. She’s not 30 minutes away…she’s 3,000 miles away. My world came crashing down around me. Here I am in the middle of Nowhere, Oregon with no friends or family in a bank parking lot . (In my sad mind.) I am usually good at creating back up plans and making the best of everything but I wasn’t prepared for this. There was never a doubt that I wouldn’t see my Madre on this day. And yet the one thing I didn’t plan on happening, happened. She wasn’t here. After multiple texts and phone calls I finally put the phone down and just cried…and cried. The poor dogs laid patiently in the back of the Honda and panted while I felt sorry for myself and emotionally rolled around in my sorrows. How pitiful I was…insert another eye roll here. After an hour and a half of calming down, calling her and helping her calm down, calling United, rescheduling flights, crying together, and then calling Shaun to actually calm me down and put things in perspective we got it figured out.


After the emotions subsided we were able to schedule her for a flight for the next day. She would arrive in Medford around 5:30 PM a day after she was planned too. To me…this was still one of the worst things that could have happened. Like I said I didn’t have a back up plan. In my mind it wasn’t an option for her not to be there with me today. But, here I was leaving town without her and making the 2 hour trip back to the RV park with the dogs. It was a long and depressing drive. At this point I had decided that I greatly disliked Medford, Oregon, Crater Lake NP, and Diamond Lake RV Park. I hated mosquitos, I hated not having service, I hated the lake around the RV park, I hated the dog to the right of us that barked at Chibi & Charlie….anything that I saw…I was not happy with. Looking back at it, my attitude is almost comical. Like, come on. Get over yourself. Shift happens, she didn’t make the flight and you have to wait 24 hours before you see her, it’ not the end of the world. But, to me…during that day. It was the end of the world. And all I wanted to do was go lay in the RV and sleep until it was time to go get her. For real!


On that day I decided to continue to let it be a bad day. I ruined the rest of the day for myself. I could have dropped the dogs off at the RV and went to search for 1 of the 6 local waterfalls, I could have returned to Crater Lake NP (which millions visit every year), I could have edited photos of Lassen NP or Lake Tahoe. But, Instead I decided to stay in the RV and piss and moan and leave the glass half empty. I only came out of the RV to have dinner with the neighbors (that I liked) and tell them about my shitty day. It made me feel better that they felt sorry for me, of course the two glass of wine also helped. Ugh, what a baby. (Looking back at it now.) But, I guess in the moment I was heart broke and I felt like that little girl that was all alone. Overall dinner was great, my neighbors made the time go by fast, and then I watched 4th of July fireworks by the lake.

One of the waterfalls we found on the way back from Medford to the campground.

The following day I still allowed my mood and emotions to control me. I had to check out of my mosquito infested campground by 11:00 AM but I couldn’t pick her up in town until 5:30 PM. I decided to leave the camp ground as soon as I woke up and drive at least an hour closer to town. There was a beautiful city park along the river that the dogs and I parked the RV and Honda at. The water was cold and clear and a beautiful green field separated the parking lot and river. I should have set up my hammock and took a nap under the trees. Instead I laid in the RV, in bed, and stared out the window at the families playing along the shore. See..you only hurt yourself. But, I guess that is what I needed that day. To just be a baby. I had at least 6 hours to be a baby before Madre showed up. It was like I decided to forget what it was like to spend time by yourself. I read part of my novel, walked the dogs 3 times, took a 40 minute nap, attempted to scroll through instagram (still sub par internet connection), and I talked to myself. I told myself to stop wasting the day, get over it, she would be here soon, and everything was fine. It kind of worked. It also helped I had some cell service and the view was beautiful.

Some days on the road this is what your life looks life...

Our 6 hour lay over area lol 

Finally, time to take off and get mom. I had a 30 minute drive and I drove straight into the airport in the RV and Honda in tow. If someone had a problem with it, well today was not the day to tell me about it. I turned my phone off and on again and texts started coming through. I thought to myself, ‘If these texts say she didn’t make it…I’m just going to drive back to Kentucky from Oregon…right now’ The texts reported that she had just landed, in Medford, Oregon! Finally! I couldn’t believe she made it! I was so happy I didn’t know what to do with myself. Except to keep driving towards the airport. It was so much fun to pick her up in the RV. She was wearing a yellow shirt and waving at me from the sidewalk and I couldn’t wait to hug her and get her in the RV! My Madre was actually here in Oregon and now we were gong to continue the journey together!


24 hours later I am laying in bed in Potecella, Idaho. I am writing this blog (a little embarrassed) due to my awful reaction to things not going my way, with my mom beside me playing her computer games, and the dogs snoring in their bed. Looking back I realize that I did not fully utilize that day, I let my emotions take control of me, and I made the decision to have a bad day.


It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to the things that happen around you. And I believe things happen for a reason and we may not always know the reason why…but maybe we are not suppose to know everything? For tonight I am chalking this up to a life experience and a learning opportunity. But, I felt that this was an important part of my full time RV life that needed to be shared. Not every day is rainbows and daisies…but they could be. It’s all in how you look at it!


Here’s to more adventures for Madre and Me! On our way to Grand Tetons National Park!